speedracer4kq

Listening to: Death Cab for Cuttie - Marching Bands of Manhatten.

Well, how's this for a first entry: I told my girlfriend of almost 5 years that I want to separate. To be honest, the words I used were, "I think we should separate." It's not quite the same thing. And she saw it and took advantage of it - in particular the word, "think". Needless to say, she spent a good amount of time after trying to make me change my mind.

We've been having problems for a long time. Communication problems from both of us. I don't ignore my part in all of this. But at the end, it comes down to the fact that I don't think we're right for eachother. I have lost the love I once felt for her.

This hasn't really all sunk in yet, though. I started looking on the web for appartments tonight. But got bored. My problem is that I'm really comfortable where I am and the life that I've constructed over the last couple years. And now, all that's going to change. And I guess that scares me a bit. As much as I say I like change, I've become very complacent over the past years. I've afraid of the unknown now. This is made all the worse being in a foreign country. That is to say, everything is just a little bit more difficult being a foreigner. At the same time, maybe it's I who create (by thinking of it) these difficulties.